Insult Haikus

For class we had to write insult haikus that I found to be quite amusing. They haven't been workshopped yet, that's tonight, but I still got a kick out of them when I was reading them to Edward last night. They are just so ridiculous. I don't think I could ever say any of these to anyone. Just as a refresher, the haiku is 5-7-5 syllabic form. The last one does break form with only four syllables in the last line.

Hidden articles
under your dresser about
self help won’t help us.

Bull testicles are
smoother than the skin on your
hairy red jowls.

I wish I could flush
your head in the toilet bowl
to wipe that smirk off.

You remind me of
a jackal with your slanted
eyes and pointed ears.

Jackal, jackal, jack
all you do is scrounge for food
like a beggar man.

When the sun shines your
lips look like forgotten French
fries left in the sand.

Kiss me goodbye for
your heart is so ugly that
I cannot stand it.

You are a baby,
an infant molested by
naïveté.